Great advice Seal.
Hi to my lovely followers and welcome newbies,
Some of you may think I’m crazy by being this open and honest in my blog posts and especially the section My Life…All You Need To Know, and maybe I am, but I have always believed you have to be a little crazy to get by in life these days anyway. But it is my honest opinion if I wasn’t this truthful about myself or the world, A) I wouldn’t have this many followers and friends, and B) I wouldn’t have anything else interesting to say. I mean I’ve tried the whole movie review thing, that got picked up by Love Film and Cineworld and I was given an accreditation in their magazines for best newcomer but as much as I love my movies and miss going to the cinema due to lack of money, my efforts were falling in deaf ears with you guys. So I decided to share my experiences, my worst nightmares, my hopes and dreams, the good times and bad times with you all in the hope that at least one person could walk away with the knowledge that they are not alone. Someone else has been through what they have been through. And I take solace knowing that too.
I know that there are people out there worse off than me, there will always be someone worse off than someone else, no matter who they are. But, and this may sound selfish, it’s not about them, it’s about me. I’m tired of always looking out for everyone else. I’ve done that my whole life. It’s time I put myself before everybody else for a change, with the exception of my wee boy of course. Because he comes before anyone else. He is the most important thing in my life and nothing will change that, nor will anyone stand in the way. He is the only thing that keeps me fighting, the only one who keeps me strong. I’ve given up on everything else right now. I respect the people who try to be there and help greatly and will always appreciate everything they do. But there is always something or someone out there who will always try to ruin your life when all you want is some happiness. I just wish I had a magic wand and could make all these things disappear then Mackenzie can have a normal, comfortable upbringing instead of having his parents worrying about having no money all the time and wondering how we can survive another day with nothing. I love my boy so much and will do anything for him, and to the fuckers that want to take his future away from him, all I can say is you will be sorry you ever brought my son into your feud. How dare you call him a mistake! I was sitting on the fence the whole time until now and wasn’t getting involved. No way am I sitting back now! Not when comments about my child are made like that. War has begun!
Take care to my friends and supporters, I trust I have your back too as well as my close friends, family, half of Surrey Police, South Yorkshire Police and my very voliatile Lewin family?
Me again in a very rare two blog posts in one day situation. Thank you for your lovely comments about Help For Heroes, so many have come in I will go through them and post the best ones in due time. Update there is I’m expecting a phone call today from Lizzy at H4H to find out what else I can do to help so will keep you informed as that progresses.
A lot of you have been interesting in my condition, Ankylosing Spondylitis and how I’m getting on with that. To be honest, every day is a struggle, and some days it gets so painful I have difficulty in moving. Which sucks really considering moving is part of the pain management, but how can you pain manage something that causes pain? Bit confused there really. The problem with being pregnant (apart from the sleepless nights of money worries) is that my rheumatologist can’t prescribe me with any steroids or anti inflammatory drugs to help take the pain away. All I can take is bog standard paracetamol which doesn’t do a thing, but they say keep on taking them, so I’m going through 8 pills a day for no reason in my opinion, the only thing it helps to ease is the constant headaches I get.
I’ve taken another blow today though after my trip to see my physiotherapist, Elaine, I also have a condition called trochanteric bursitis, otherwise known as trochanteric pain syndrome. Again all I can do is try and manage the pain with paracetamol and movement. Though this is extremely painful in my hips to do this and putting any weight on my left leg is excruciating. Sleeping is difficult as I have trouble laying on either side and because of the AS trying to lie on my back is just as bad. I can’t win really. My next appointment with Elaine is in three weeks time so we’ll see how I progress and then see what else she can find wrong with me. What makes me worry more about having Ankylosing Spondylitis is that it is incurable and will get worse as time progresses, eventually leading to fusing of my spine rendering me, well, I hate to think really, but useless is the word that comes to mind right now. The two bottom discs have already started that process as revealed in my isotope bone scan I had in January this year.
January wasn’t the greatest start to the year it has to be said, I found out I had this degenerative disease, got made redundant and found out I was pregnant. All in one week! Talk about everything happening at once.
So what good things do I have going for me people ask, that’s my burning question too really. However, Six Months to Live is finally nearing completion and just needs a few tweeks here and there then I can move on to my next project Murder On The Shop Floor, which’ll please my ex colleagues at Patrol Store who I’m still good friends with as its based on them 🙂 Not forgetting that The Ghost Writer, The Forensic Killer and Words Don’t Come Easy are all available to purchase on Lulu as well as being on Amazon and other online retailers so although I don’t generate any revenue from them at the moment, the potential is there (hopefully), just need to work on marketing them a bit I guess, although its nice that I’ve already got a little fan base boosting my ego every now and then, without letting it go to my head.
Elvis Presley has become my inspiration while writing recently, as well as my Red Bull Racing F1 “thinking” cap! It may not give me wings but certainly can make the words fly 🙂 I have my dad to thank for my love of The King of Rock N Roll as he always used to listen to it when I was growing up and I plan to carry on that tradition with this little munchkin when he or she arrives. At 27 weeks now so getting there.
Anyway, speaking of writing I shall get cracking on that and wait for my phone call from Help For Heroes.
Until my next blog, I bid you farewell and good luck in whatever path you choose to follow.