Blog Archives

We’re never gonna survive unless we are a little crazy…

Great advice Seal.

Hi to my lovely followers and welcome newbies,
Some of you may think I’m crazy by being this open and honest in my blog posts and especially the section My Life…All You Need To Know, and maybe I am, but I have always believed you have to be a little crazy to get by in life these days anyway. But it is my honest opinion if I wasn’t this truthful about myself or the world, A) I wouldn’t have this many followers and friends, and B) I wouldn’t have anything else interesting to say. I mean I’ve tried the whole movie review thing, that got picked up by Love Film and Cineworld and I was given an accreditation in their magazines for best newcomer but as much as I love my movies and miss going to the cinema due to lack of money, my efforts were falling in deaf ears with you guys. So I decided to share my experiences, my worst nightmares, my hopes and dreams, the good times and bad times with you all in the hope that at least one person could walk away with the knowledge that they are not alone. Someone else has been through what they have been through. And I take solace knowing that too.

I know that there are people out there worse off than me, there will always be someone worse off than someone else, no matter who they are. But, and this may sound selfish, it’s not about them, it’s about me. I’m tired of always looking out for everyone else. I’ve done that my whole life. It’s time I put myself before everybody else for a change, with the exception of my wee boy of course. Because he comes before anyone else. He is the most important thing in my life and nothing will change that, nor will anyone stand in the way. He is the only thing that keeps me fighting, the only one who keeps me strong. I’ve given up on everything else right now. I respect the people who try to be there and help greatly and will always appreciate everything they do. But there is always something or someone out there who will always try to ruin your life when all you want is some happiness. I just wish I had a magic wand and could make all these things disappear then Mackenzie can have a normal, comfortable upbringing instead of having his parents worrying about having no money all the time and wondering how we can survive another day with nothing. I love my boy so much and will do anything for him, and to the fuckers that want to take his future away from him, all I can say is you will be sorry you ever brought my son into your feud. How dare you call him a mistake! I was sitting on the fence the whole time until now and wasn’t getting involved. No way am I sitting back now! Not when comments about my child are made like that. War has begun!

Take care to my friends and supporters, I trust I have your back too as well as my close friends, family, half of Surrey Police, South Yorkshire Police and my very voliatile Lewin family?
Thank You,
LH x

Regrets, I have a few…

…but then again, too few to mention.
Ol’ Blue Eyes was right but my regrets are too many to mention.

Hi to my lovely followers and a big warm welcome to the newbies that have just joined our family,
I’m taking advantage of Mackenzie’s nap time to have a break (no Kit Kat) with my cheap can of Morrisons brand of Red Bull substitute (it’s disgusting but when you’re on a very tight budget needs must and all that). He’s teething like mad at the moment, I’ve lost count how many he’s got now! Last count was 7 teeth within three weeks. That’s my boy! He’s doing so well, I just wish I could get over this agoraphobia so I can take him out during the day and show him off to everyone. Thankfully his daddy finishes when it’s still daylight so can take him to see his Nanny and Grandad, and to see his Granny (my Mum). Just wish that his other Nanny and Grandad lived closer than Yorkshire as I really miss my Dad and Step-Mum. Times like this I need a much needed hug from Jean.

Back to these regrets then. Today is the day of my Auntie Annette’s operation. Some of you may know she was diagnosed with having cervical cancer a couple of weeks ago and I received my letter from her two days ago. I finally plucked up the courage to open it yesterday and inside was her phone number wishing me to call her before her operation today. I was such a coward and couldn’t do it. I really wanted to and kept plucking up the courage to do so, but by the time I finally got there, it was too late in the evening to do so. All I had to do was call her to wish her luck. Why couldn’t I do that? Because I haven’t spoken to her for so many years I guess I was scared that I wouldn’t know what to say to her. So now I’m sat here full of regret wishing I had made that call if only to hear her voice again. I broke down in tears last night and told Daniel that I’m so scared now that if something goes wrong with the operation or if the cancer has spread, that I may have missed my chance to get back in contact with my Auntie again. I’ll be devastated if that happened and I hope it doesn’t. Not just for my sake but I was really hoping Mackenzie would get chance to meet her. All I can say is, “good luck Annette and I really hope things go well. I love you and have missed you all these years, and I promise when you get through this, I will be there to see you. See you soon xxxx”

I do have many more regrets but a lot of them I can’t list on here in the fear of causing amnesty between Daniel and I as some of them involve major life changing decisions without him (and before I met him again).

Until we blog again, this is me signing off as I’m feeling really down about my aunt at the moment and need to go off and have a good old cry. Thanks for listening and see you soon!
Take care,
LH x

The Drugs Don’t Work

…They Just Make It Worse. Once sang a wise man by the name of Richard Ashcroft. And in this instance he is right.
Hi to my lovely followers,
I’m not talking about anything illegal here, I’m speaking of that what is prescribed by your GP and meant to make you better. I take a cocktail of medicines which is supposed to do a variety of things. Let’s see, for breakfast I have…
1 x to stop any more little Mackenzie’s running around and to have no menstrual cycle.
1 x Diclofenac for my Ankylosing Spondylitis
1 x Tramadol for my Ankylosing Spondylitis
1 x Topirimate also for my Ankylosing Spondylitis
None of which take the pain away and I still have the stiffness and inflammation in my joints, rendering me useless half the time.
For lunchtime I just have…
1 x Diclofenac
1 x Tramadol
When the pain gets too bad I throw in Paracetomol and Ibuprofen to the mix during the day.
Finally in the evening once Mackenzie has gone to bed its time for…
1 x Diclofenac
1 x Tramadol
1 x Topiramate
1 x Trazadone Hydrochloride for depression. Otherwise known as “Happy Pills” they most certainly do not work.
Turn me upside down at the end of the day, shake me about and I’ll sound like one of Maccy’s rattles!

Do you have AS? What has your GP prescribed you that works? Do you suffer from depression? Again, what has your GP prescribed you that works? I feel I may need to speak to my doc and get my pills changed to a different dose or type as either I’m immune or they’re not strong enough.

Thanks,
LH x

Whole new section added

Hi to all my followers! It’s been a long time since I last blogged and things have been going massively downhill for me both physically and mentally. My AS has severly flared up, last night I couldn’t even walk and almost collapsed as soon as I stood up because my legs went completely numb. Emotionally things are terrible too. My depression has come back three fold and is worse than it has ever been. I feel like a failure but worse of all I feel like I have let my son down. There are times I want to end it all. I think the world will be a better place without me but then I think that I will miss my boy growing up and it stops me from wanting to kill myself. But anyway, as relapses go, this is a big one, and to the causes and reasons behind them (i.e. financial struggles, redundancy, disability and paranoia about being burgled again) all I can say is, FUCK YOU!

News update: New Section added to blog, My Life…All You Need To Know. I have bared all in a mini biography about my life and everything you have ever wanted to know. So take some valuable advice, have a read and you might learn something.

All the best, LH

Updates Ahoy!

The last few weeks things have been pretty hectic. We lost one of our lovely pet rats, Precious, who had been poorly for some time but was a little fighter and held on for a good few months longer than anticipated.
Mackenzie has been growing and getting stronger by the day, he’s a little treasure and absolutely gorgeous, as well as being the most loved son/grandson/nephew/cousin going! Everyone dotes on him and have been so supportive and generous to us in these tough times.
Tactanium Publications has expanded into several areas and taken a number of branches on its tree, including photography, artwork and baby wear. Exciting talks and negotiations to be held with some very talented artists ahead; Ben Joyce, David Berman and Sam Pelling.
Six Months to Live has been published and is now available to buy on Amazon.
What else? Oh, I hit the big 3-0 or 20-10 as I prefer it.
Think I covered everything!
But I would like to leave on the note that my thoughts are with the families and friends who lost their loved ones in the tragic events that took place 11 years ago today in the attacks on America. May they forever rest in peace xx

Take care everyone!
LH x

Welcome to the World, Mac!

A few days late I know but only just getting round to welcoming my little baby boy, Mackenzie Kyle Pelling. He’s the most adorable, cutest baby boy I could ever have imagined and it was love at first sight.

After being bought into the world four weeks early and pulled out by caeserean section he’s a tough little cookie and perfect in every way. He weighed 5lb 9oz and was born in the very early hours of 18th July at 3:50am.

He was allowed to stay with me in the ward at the hospital. The midwives were lovely but I couldn’t wait to get home! He doesn’t like to sleep by himself though, he’d happily sleep tucked up in mine or his dad’s arms but as soon as you put him down he realises he’s by himself and starts to whinge. And it’s too heartbreaking not to give in to him. Especially when I was in the hospital and didn’t sleep for 2 nights because of it. Still, Daniel was lovely enough to let me sleep last night and he took over with the cuddling/feeding/changing while I caught up with some rest.

So anyway, welcome to the world, Mackenzie, my perfect, special little boy! I love you with every beat of my heart xxxx

Six Months To Live is Published!

After a very long 10 months, I can now tell you that I have finally published Six Months To Live.

It is currently only available through lulu.com but will soon be available to purchase worldwide through Amazon and other online retailers, followed by a Kindle edition. It has been quoted as “An Exciting and Intense Thriller. Hold On To Your Hats For A Rollercoaster Ride.” Please see below for the link to my distributors website for viewing or purchasing.

http://www.lulu.com/shop/liane-hoare/six-months-to-live/paperback/product-20202915.html

I have been working very closely with the rest of Tactanium Publications to get this finished and would like to say a massive thank you to my proof readers, Di Davies and Daniel Pelling, whom without their advice and guidance it wouldn’t have been possible to get it finished.

My next project will be the long awaited Death on the Shop Floor (title pending review), which I know Di is very excited about and can’t wait to get her proof-reading skills into.

After that, the opportunities are endless as there are plenty of other ideas floating around waiting to be started on.

Don’t forget you can still get the following publications from Amazon…

The Forensic Killer

The Ghost Writer

Words Don’t Come Easy

Thank you to all for your continued support and I hope that my future endevours will continue to please you as much as the ones up until now have done.

Take Care,

LH

Writer, Photographer and CEO of Tactanium Publications.

You Are Missed Everyday, Gran

Dearest Gran, Words can’t describe how much I miss you. It has been too long since we said goodbye but it doesn’t ease the pain that you’re not around anymore. The days do not get easier, they get harder as there are so many things I wish I could share with you now that you’re gone. I made a promise to you that I would become a writer, its your encouragement that spurred me in the first place. Today on your birthday I can tell you that I’ve published three books in your memory and my next is on its way. It in no way makes me successful in your goal for me but it is a step in the right direction. I owe any future success that may come from my endeavours to you. You are my inspiration for this and I sincerely hope you can look down and be proud of what I’ve done in your memory.

Gran, I wish you could be here to be able to share my future joy. I have some nervous times ahead and again look at you for inspiration. You took me in when I needed it and I spent the best years of my life by your side. I have so many fond memories of spending time with you watching episodes of Land of the Giants and The Littlest Hobo as well as lost hours of listening to Michael Crawford, Roy Orbison and Adam Solo (Jackie) playing his guitar in your living room. I can’t listen to Bobby Goldsboro’s Honey or Crawford’s Music of the Night without being reduced to floods of tears, as I see your face as soon as they start to play. I love my parents and my stepmum very dearly but you are the reason for my being today and I can’t thank you enough for that.

I love you, Gran and I miss you every single day. Happy Birthday with all my love, Liane xxx

What Else Can Go Wrong? Troubles with pain.

Hi Guys,

Me again in a very rare two blog posts in one day situation. Thank you for your lovely comments about Help For Heroes, so many have come in I will go through them and post the best ones in due time. Update there is I’m expecting a phone call today from Lizzy at H4H to find out what else I can do to help so will keep you informed as that progresses.

A lot of you have been interesting in my condition, Ankylosing Spondylitis and how I’m getting on with that. To be honest, every day is a struggle, and some days it gets so painful I have difficulty in moving. Which sucks really considering moving is part of the pain management, but how can you pain manage something that causes pain? Bit confused there really. The problem with being pregnant (apart from the sleepless nights of money worries) is that my rheumatologist can’t prescribe me with any steroids or anti inflammatory drugs to help take the pain away. All I can take is bog standard paracetamol which doesn’t do a thing, but they say keep on taking them, so I’m going through 8 pills a day for no reason in my opinion, the only thing it helps to ease is the constant headaches I get.

I’ve taken another blow today though after my trip to see my physiotherapist, Elaine, I also have a condition called trochanteric bursitis, otherwise known as trochanteric pain syndrome. Again all I can do is try and manage the pain with paracetamol and movement. Though this is extremely painful in my hips to do this and putting any weight on my left leg is excruciating. Sleeping is difficult as I have trouble laying on either side and because of the AS trying to lie on my back is just as bad. I can’t win really. My next appointment with Elaine is in three weeks time so we’ll see how I progress and then see what else she can find wrong with me. What makes me worry more about having Ankylosing Spondylitis is that it is incurable and will get worse as time progresses, eventually leading to fusing of my spine rendering me, well, I hate to think really, but useless is the word that comes to mind right now. The two bottom discs have already started that process as revealed in my isotope bone scan I had in January this year.

January wasn’t the greatest start to the year it has to be said, I found out I had this degenerative disease, got made redundant and found out I was pregnant. All in one week! Talk about everything happening at once.

So what good things do I have going for me people ask, that’s my burning question too really. However, Six Months to Live is finally nearing completion and just needs a few tweeks here and there then I can move on to my next project Murder On The Shop Floor, which’ll please my ex colleagues at Patrol Store who I’m still good friends with as its based on them 🙂 Not forgetting that The Ghost Writer, The Forensic Killer and Words Don’t Come Easy are all available to purchase on Lulu as well as being on Amazon and other online retailers so although I don’t generate any revenue from them at the moment, the potential is there (hopefully), just need to work on marketing them a bit I guess, although its nice that I’ve already got a little fan base boosting my ego every now and then, without letting it go to my head.

Elvis Presley has become my inspiration while writing recently, as well as my Red Bull Racing F1 “thinking” cap! It may not give me wings but certainly can make the words fly 🙂 I have my dad to thank for my love of The King of Rock N Roll as he always used to listen to it when I was growing up and I plan to carry on that tradition with this little munchkin when he or she arrives. At 27 weeks now so getting there.

Anyway, speaking of writing I shall get cracking on that and wait for my phone call from Help For Heroes.

Until my next blog, I bid you farewell and good luck in whatever path you choose to follow.

TC,

Liane

Help For Heroes

Hi Guys,

I may have mentioned on here before about the well-worthy charity that is Help For Heroes, but now I’m in the process of becoming involved in it, the need to promote Help For Heroes more is part of my reasons for signing up as a co-ordinator.

Seeing what these amazing individuals do to keep us safe is unbelievable and unselfish. Army personnel, past and present, have protected our way of life for centuries and its time they deserve some kind of reward for their efforts.

To become a volunteer for Help For Heroes gives me a feeling of being able to contribute to helping this become a reality. I will soon be distributing fliers, magazines and arranging collections for them.

Until then why not head over to my ex-employers, Patrol Store, where they sell Help For Heroes Pin Badges with either Police or 999 on the classic motif design and all proceeds go to the charity.

Finding a job in these difficult economic times is hard and having a disability like Ankylosing Spondylitis and being pregnant makes it even harder. I’d rather fill my spare time in between trying to become a writer and photographer by doing something good and giving something back to good people. I urge you to do the same and give these wonderful people a chance.

Thank You for your time,

Liane Hoare
Writer, Photographer and Help For Heroes Co-Ordinator