Welcome to the World, Mac!

A few days late I know but only just getting round to welcoming my little baby boy, Mackenzie Kyle Pelling. He’s the most adorable, cutest baby boy I could ever have imagined and it was love at first sight.

After being bought into the world four weeks early and pulled out by caeserean section he’s a tough little cookie and perfect in every way. He weighed 5lb 9oz and was born in the very early hours of 18th July at 3:50am.

He was allowed to stay with me in the ward at the hospital. The midwives were lovely but I couldn’t wait to get home! He doesn’t like to sleep by himself though, he’d happily sleep tucked up in mine or his dad’s arms but as soon as you put him down he realises he’s by himself and starts to whinge. And it’s too heartbreaking not to give in to him. Especially when I was in the hospital and didn’t sleep for 2 nights because of it. Still, Daniel was lovely enough to let me sleep last night and he took over with the cuddling/feeding/changing while I caught up with some rest.

So anyway, welcome to the world, Mackenzie, my perfect, special little boy! I love you with every beat of my heart xxxx

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It’s started sooner than expected

Blogging from a hospital ward is something I wasn’t expecting to do, especially four weeks early. Still, nature has taken its course and my waters decided to break this morning. I’ve not felt any pain yet which is good but I don’t want to spend too long in here so hope things progress soon. Nervous, excited and completely unprepared but still, all will be fine I hope. Fingers crossed please my friends and even those who don’t know me, wish us luck! Cheers, LH (35 weeks and 6 days)

Six Months To Live is Published!

After a very long 10 months, I can now tell you that I have finally published Six Months To Live.

It is currently only available through lulu.com but will soon be available to purchase worldwide through Amazon and other online retailers, followed by a Kindle edition. It has been quoted as “An Exciting and Intense Thriller. Hold On To Your Hats For A Rollercoaster Ride.” Please see below for the link to my distributors website for viewing or purchasing.

http://www.lulu.com/shop/liane-hoare/six-months-to-live/paperback/product-20202915.html

I have been working very closely with the rest of Tactanium Publications to get this finished and would like to say a massive thank you to my proof readers, Di Davies and Daniel Pelling, whom without their advice and guidance it wouldn’t have been possible to get it finished.

My next project will be the long awaited Death on the Shop Floor (title pending review), which I know Di is very excited about and can’t wait to get her proof-reading skills into.

After that, the opportunities are endless as there are plenty of other ideas floating around waiting to be started on.

Don’t forget you can still get the following publications from Amazon…

The Forensic Killer

The Ghost Writer

Words Don’t Come Easy

Thank you to all for your continued support and I hope that my future endevours will continue to please you as much as the ones up until now have done.

Take Care,

LH

Writer, Photographer and CEO of Tactanium Publications.

You Are Missed Everyday, Gran

Dearest Gran, Words can’t describe how much I miss you. It has been too long since we said goodbye but it doesn’t ease the pain that you’re not around anymore. The days do not get easier, they get harder as there are so many things I wish I could share with you now that you’re gone. I made a promise to you that I would become a writer, its your encouragement that spurred me in the first place. Today on your birthday I can tell you that I’ve published three books in your memory and my next is on its way. It in no way makes me successful in your goal for me but it is a step in the right direction. I owe any future success that may come from my endeavours to you. You are my inspiration for this and I sincerely hope you can look down and be proud of what I’ve done in your memory.

Gran, I wish you could be here to be able to share my future joy. I have some nervous times ahead and again look at you for inspiration. You took me in when I needed it and I spent the best years of my life by your side. I have so many fond memories of spending time with you watching episodes of Land of the Giants and The Littlest Hobo as well as lost hours of listening to Michael Crawford, Roy Orbison and Adam Solo (Jackie) playing his guitar in your living room. I can’t listen to Bobby Goldsboro’s Honey or Crawford’s Music of the Night without being reduced to floods of tears, as I see your face as soon as they start to play. I love my parents and my stepmum very dearly but you are the reason for my being today and I can’t thank you enough for that.

I love you, Gran and I miss you every single day. Happy Birthday with all my love, Liane xxx

Now Available On Kindle

While my proof-readers are tearing Six Months to Live to shreds with editting I thought I would give you a quick update to let you know that both The Ghost Writer and The Forensic Killer are now available in Kindle editions through Amazon. Please see links below for product pages. I will shortly be putting together an Author’s spotlight on there so stay tuned.

The Ghost Writer

The Forensic Killer

Both ebooks will also be available in other languages for the international versions of Amazon if you feel like a challenge or English isn’t your first language.

Cheers,
LH

What Else Can Go Wrong? Troubles with pain.

Hi Guys,

Me again in a very rare two blog posts in one day situation. Thank you for your lovely comments about Help For Heroes, so many have come in I will go through them and post the best ones in due time. Update there is I’m expecting a phone call today from Lizzy at H4H to find out what else I can do to help so will keep you informed as that progresses.

A lot of you have been interesting in my condition, Ankylosing Spondylitis and how I’m getting on with that. To be honest, every day is a struggle, and some days it gets so painful I have difficulty in moving. Which sucks really considering moving is part of the pain management, but how can you pain manage something that causes pain? Bit confused there really. The problem with being pregnant (apart from the sleepless nights of money worries) is that my rheumatologist can’t prescribe me with any steroids or anti inflammatory drugs to help take the pain away. All I can take is bog standard paracetamol which doesn’t do a thing, but they say keep on taking them, so I’m going through 8 pills a day for no reason in my opinion, the only thing it helps to ease is the constant headaches I get.

I’ve taken another blow today though after my trip to see my physiotherapist, Elaine, I also have a condition called trochanteric bursitis, otherwise known as trochanteric pain syndrome. Again all I can do is try and manage the pain with paracetamol and movement. Though this is extremely painful in my hips to do this and putting any weight on my left leg is excruciating. Sleeping is difficult as I have trouble laying on either side and because of the AS trying to lie on my back is just as bad. I can’t win really. My next appointment with Elaine is in three weeks time so we’ll see how I progress and then see what else she can find wrong with me. What makes me worry more about having Ankylosing Spondylitis is that it is incurable and will get worse as time progresses, eventually leading to fusing of my spine rendering me, well, I hate to think really, but useless is the word that comes to mind right now. The two bottom discs have already started that process as revealed in my isotope bone scan I had in January this year.

January wasn’t the greatest start to the year it has to be said, I found out I had this degenerative disease, got made redundant and found out I was pregnant. All in one week! Talk about everything happening at once.

So what good things do I have going for me people ask, that’s my burning question too really. However, Six Months to Live is finally nearing completion and just needs a few tweeks here and there then I can move on to my next project Murder On The Shop Floor, which’ll please my ex colleagues at Patrol Store who I’m still good friends with as its based on them 🙂 Not forgetting that The Ghost Writer, The Forensic Killer and Words Don’t Come Easy are all available to purchase on Lulu as well as being on Amazon and other online retailers so although I don’t generate any revenue from them at the moment, the potential is there (hopefully), just need to work on marketing them a bit I guess, although its nice that I’ve already got a little fan base boosting my ego every now and then, without letting it go to my head.

Elvis Presley has become my inspiration while writing recently, as well as my Red Bull Racing F1 “thinking” cap! It may not give me wings but certainly can make the words fly 🙂 I have my dad to thank for my love of The King of Rock N Roll as he always used to listen to it when I was growing up and I plan to carry on that tradition with this little munchkin when he or she arrives. At 27 weeks now so getting there.

Anyway, speaking of writing I shall get cracking on that and wait for my phone call from Help For Heroes.

Until my next blog, I bid you farewell and good luck in whatever path you choose to follow.

TC,

Liane

Help For Heroes

Hi Guys,

I may have mentioned on here before about the well-worthy charity that is Help For Heroes, but now I’m in the process of becoming involved in it, the need to promote Help For Heroes more is part of my reasons for signing up as a co-ordinator.

Seeing what these amazing individuals do to keep us safe is unbelievable and unselfish. Army personnel, past and present, have protected our way of life for centuries and its time they deserve some kind of reward for their efforts.

To become a volunteer for Help For Heroes gives me a feeling of being able to contribute to helping this become a reality. I will soon be distributing fliers, magazines and arranging collections for them.

Until then why not head over to my ex-employers, Patrol Store, where they sell Help For Heroes Pin Badges with either Police or 999 on the classic motif design and all proceeds go to the charity.

Finding a job in these difficult economic times is hard and having a disability like Ankylosing Spondylitis and being pregnant makes it even harder. I’d rather fill my spare time in between trying to become a writer and photographer by doing something good and giving something back to good people. I urge you to do the same and give these wonderful people a chance.

Thank You for your time,

Liane Hoare
Writer, Photographer and Help For Heroes Co-Ordinator

Tough Times

Its been over two months since being made redundant now and times are really hard. To spend day after day applying for jobs, not hearing anything back from anyone is extremely demoralising and depressing. Yes, its that dreaded word again, depression.

Having battled through it just over three years ago now, I had that light at the end of the tunnel. I stopped taking my anti-depressants, which were Citalopram and life was looking a little more rosy. I’d started a new job, made some new friends and moved in with some lovely people in Merstham. I was dating again after splitting up with my alcoholic ex and was meeting some nice guys out there for a change after years of random assholes. For a month or so I was dating a different guy twice a week. My confidence had grown. I’d got over my aunt trying to steal my identity and though I was pissed at it, it didn’t depress me. Work was great, I loved every minute of it and used to joke that I’d work for free as I liked it that much. The pay wasn’t fantastic but after a few months on Job Seekers Allowance it was a lot better and it paid my rent to my awesome landlord. I was getting on well with my mum too, which is something that didn’t go too well the years preceeding. Life wasn’t bad.

In June 2010 I met up with an old school friend that I hadn’t seen for over ten years, and we became good friends because of a mutual interest in photography. My friends kept nudging me to say I should consider dating him but at the time I wasn’t looking for a relationship as I didn’t trust anyone after my ex. It was at my mate from work’s hen party in July I decided to take a chance and I have no regrets since then in doing so as he has been my rock, saving me in more ways than he can ever imagine. Things kind of developed quickly, a lot faster than I expected, especially after I made a point of saying to take things slow and see how it goes.

I moved in with him January, much to my landlord and housemate’s disapointment as for some reason they would miss me! Work was still going well but getting ridiculously busy, I was working stupid hours but not getting paid for them nor accruing any lieu time. I was getting stressed and the thought of going to work each day was putting a strain on my emotions. I was disciplined for my “attitude towards work” a few days after my grandad died (how considerate!), work was beginning to suck but I stuck with it and kept on going.

I was struggling with pain in my lower back and started going to the doctors. My GP kept giving me various painkillers and anti-inflammatorys including Tramadol and Diazepam. Nothing worked though. I had blood tests every few weeks as my ESR and CRP markers were up. I had an X-Ray on my spine and it was noted that the discs at the base of my spine had started to wear down. It took them three months to refer me to see a specialist as they didn’t know what the problem was, all I kept hearing was “there’s something up, but we don’t know what it is,” very reassuring.

My employers were starting to get annoyed with me for having to take time off to keep going for appointments. I saw the Rheumatologist in December last year and he sent me for an Isotope Bone Scan. A couple of weeks later I found out I had a condition called Ankylosing Spondylitis. I’d never heard of it and wasn’t sure what that meant. Basically part of the base of my spine has fused together and is putting pressure on my hip and pelvis, causing severe inflammation. I was off work for a couple of weeks with a number of things at that time, including norovirus and the onset of Chrohn’s Disease, coupled with the pain of this arthritis that was kicking me down. I could barely move and struggled with sleeping. Not only that but a few days later I found out I was pregnant. Everything was going on at once!

I went back to work and found out on the day of my return that I was being made redundant. All I could think was, WTF! Why? Business is booming and the staff were struggling as it is. Their excuse was they were having role reshuffles and decided that I was no longer needed. Of course this had nothing to do with them getting annoyed as I had to keep going off for tests and couldn’t work in the warehouse anymore because of my disability or pregnancy. Yeah right! I was let go towards the end of February and since then they’ve been advertising for more and more staff, including for the role I was doing. I don’t feel pity towards them that I’ve been told that things have gone on a downhill spiral for them since I left, I feel good about that. I hope that doesn’t make a bad person, but after what they did to me I can’t help it.

I went straight down the Job Centre and was turned away by a very rude lady who said I need to phone or apply online for Job Seekers Allowance. I only wanted advice. I walked away with my head hung in shame. That night I sat down at my partner’s parents PC and filled in an application form for JSA. I had an appointment a week later and two weeks later the process began. Having to go back every other week to prove that you are looking for work, knowing that no one wants you because you’re pregnant and have a disability is very demoralising.

I explained to an advisor this morning that I was feeling depressed because I apply for jobs everyday and don’t hear anything back. She said I shouldn’t take it to heart and its not personal as hundreds of people are applying for one job. I know she’s right but its still hard not to take it to heart. She suggested if things get really bad then I should see my GP and try and get a medical certificate for depression and my disability as she could see I was struggling to walk, especially as I now have to walk around with a stick because my right hip as started to wear away now and its agony to move. I never even thought about it but she made a good point, it would give me a few weeks off to get my head together and I wouldn’t have to attend meetings for a little while. I said I’d have a think about it. But I don’t want to give up, I’m not that person anymore.

As depressed as I may get, as painful as things may get, I can’t give up. I may carry around a lot of burdens but I’m carrying something more important than that, and when he or she comes into the world I need to be strong for them!

Life has to get better, surely there’s not much else it can throw at me. God only knows its done that over the last 15 years already. I can’t handle anymore, please, whatever it is give me a break.
LH

Against Facebook and other Social Networking Sites

Its time for me to vent out against these websites right now after finding out a very vial thing this morning. Websites like Facebook, Twitter etc are there for keeping in contact with old friends but yet there are people that abuse them by either venting their anger out against the world, bitching about other people and spying/stalking others but worst of all for others to read about devastating news that should never have been found out that way. When I found out about my aunt’s dog dying through Facebook, that hurt me a lot so I can only imagine how this person is feeling right now.

To lose a friend or family member is one of the most painful experiences someone can go through, I know that when I lost my Gran, I still feel that pain everyday almost seven years later.

In this instance, my heart goes out to an old school friend, Estelle Barthorpe, your mum, Kimberley was a wonderful person. She always had the knack of making people laugh with the stories she came out with, such a joker and always full of life. A very, very sad loss. But for you, Estelle, to find out on Facebook that you had lost her today is an absolute disgrace and completely undeserved. After speaking with her yesterday, not knowing it would be the last time you heard her voice, I couldn’t imagine what you are going through right now.

I know I haven’t always seen eye to eye with my mum, but since her operation a few years ago we’ve grown closer, I don’t know what I’d do when she goes, especially knowing it could happen any day. I couldn’t imagine how you are feeling right now.

My sincerest respect goes out to Estelle and her family in this time. Kimberley, you will be missed dearly by everyone and I know you’ll be up there making everyone else laugh.

Rest In Peace Kimberley Barthorpe-Hiles, LH xx

Autism All Stars Foundation Charity Fun Run

Hi everyone!

My lovely other half is doing a fun run this Saturday 21st April 2012, to help raise money for Autism All Stars Foundation Charity Fun Run.

If you would like to sponsor him please follow this link and give generously.

http://www.virginmoneygiving.com/DanielPelling

Many thanks!

LH