A Schoolgirl Crush Turned To Obsession

I was around 14 when I turned my attentions to my Geography teacher. He was this strapping, over 6ft frame of pure muscle. I fell for him considerably, to the point of it becoming an obsession. I guess with everything else going on as well I kind of focussed all my attentions on him. I would wait around after school and watch him leave or stay behind to offer my services; nothing like that, just if there was any work around the classroom I could do for him. Anything so I could spend time hanging around him. I’d get jealous when another female spoke to him, it wasn’t so bad if it was a student, but another teacher, my god did the green eyed monster rear its ugly head. They were more his age so I knew they stood more chance than any student did. I used to dream about being in a relationship with him and would act out these fantasies with my teddy bears. I’d write stories about my love for him and that we’d run off together at the end of my school years, living happily ever after. Everyone knew about my obsession. It was kind of obvious, how I would sit there and stare at him in class or be ever-so-helpful all the time whenever he was around. My friends would taunt me about it and I began to become withdrawn from them a little. Even the other teachers would taunt me. It was a year or so later I started to hang around with another group of people from the year above me because of it. I didn’t fall out with any of them, we just drifted apart because I let my obsession get the better of me and get in the way of my friendships with them. It probably led to one of the biggest mistakes of my life by walking into this new chapter however. I often wondered if he knew how I felt about him, even years after I left school there was always questions of, what if, buzzing round my mind. Part of me thinks he must have known if it was that obvious, or that someone probably said something to him. But he was very professional not to let on whether he knew or not. It did drive me crazy for a time though, not knowing either way. How did I get over it? A lot of hard work actually. Probably one of the hardest things I had to do but I think in the end I just accepted the fact that nothing would ever have come of my feelings for him. I also kept telling myself that they weren’t real and that it was just a schoolgirl crush that got a little bit out of control. But the main thing I told myself was he was my escapism. Someone to focus my attentions on and to take my mind off every bad thing that was happening outside of school.

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