Relapses and dealing with disabilities

Hi to my lovely followers, and also a big welcome to my new ones too.

Firstly, can I say thank you so much for your kind words and support in these tough times, the messages I received yesterday were really lovely and will take on board some of the advice that was given.
I know that none of you know me, and we will probably never meet, but I cannot thank you enough for the support you have given me since I’ve been a blogger. I also know that I have been off the radar for some time, my son takes up 99% of my day so I haven’t really had the chance to sit down and think of something to say. I guess I should take advantage of his nap times, which is what I’m doing now. Some of you have asked how Mackenzie is doing, he’s fine thank you for asking, suffering from the cold weather like the rest of us but doing so with a big smile on his face. He’s 8 months old now, I can’t believe that already! Time is going by so fast!
Speaking of the weather, what’s that all about, eh? To my fellow UKers, we are in March aren’t we? Where is the Spring? Why is it freezing temperatures and snowing? Mother Nature seriously has her seasons mixed up somewhere.

Okay, now we’ve got the thank yous, talking about the weather and updates on Maccy out the way, we turn to the serious part of blogging. Some of you may have read through my new section about My Life…All You Need To Know. It is literally a mini biography of the last 30 years of my life covering my parents divorce, being abused by a cousin when I was a child, almost dying in a car fire, self harming and depression, the death of my beloved gran… Everything. It’s a bare my soul to you in the hope you will take solace knowing that if you have had similar experiences that you are not alone, and the same that I can share that with someone too. I just need somebody to talk to about it all really. That would be nice. A friend or two. Because as the title of this blog says, I am in the midst of a major relapse of depression. Since we were burgled last November, I’m too scared to leave the house in case it happens again but at the same time I can’t stand being here because it has never felt like my home, and it never will do. Daniel and I are always arguing over money because we don’t have any. We can barely afford to look after ourselves and Mackenzie because I can’t get a job because of my Ankylosing Spondylitis, and it’s damned near impossible to get one anyway and I’m not entitled to any benefits because he earns a wage. It doesn’t matter that all his money goes on child support to his other children and rent on the house leaving us with nothing to live on. The government don’t look at your outgoings and are willing to allow a family with an 8 month old child starve. Wankers.
And then finally to top all that off while I’m at my lowest point, I find out my favourite aunt as a child has cervical cancer. I haven’t seen or spoken to hear for years as we drifted apart as I moved around a lot (13 times I’ve moved in my life) so we lost contact. My Step-Mum told me so I got her address and wrote her a letter, sending some pictures of Mackenzie. I received a reply this morning. I haven’t opened the envelope yet. I guess I’m a little too scared to do so. I don’t know why, and I know I should. I have to see her before it’s too late. I can’t go through the rest of my life regretting not seeing my auntie Annette before it gets her. That will destroy me.

Anyway, thanks for listening friends.
All the best!
LH x

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About lianehoarephotography

Well the name is Liane Hoare as you could possibly guess from the name of this website and the nature of it should tell you that I have a keen interest in photography and poetry. I am in no-way a professional photographer but one day, who knows. Any spare time I have you will find me out and about with my digital camera, which at the moment I use a Kodak Z710 which has a 12 x optical zoom so I can get close to my subjects without getting too close. I try to get out as much and as often as possible, whatever the weather. I go to Carshalton Ponds in Surrey on a regular basis, I have a good rappor with the squirrels there. No matter where I go though I take my camera out with me. You'll find photos on here from Manchester, Kent, Caterham, Cardiff, Brighton and London. Animals are my favourite subjects, I try to get snaps of squirrels, birds and even pets belonging to friends and family. You could say that nature is where I am most comfortable. I have only really shown a keen interest in photography for about two years now since I got the Kodak Z710, before I just used to take a little 3 x digital zoom camera out with me when I went out with friends - as you do. Now it has become a hobby I would like to turn into a career. I try to enter photography competitions when I can nowadays and recently entered into one on the National Trust, I'll do anything to get noticed now - within reason of course. With regards to poetry, I've been writing that for over 10 years now. In the past I used to write things down, put it away and forget about it, until one day someone found some, read it and told me to do something with them. I started off by posting them on Facebook a few months ago, just to see what people thought and I was needless to say surprised by the comments. To me it's always been a very personal thing, something that I would keep to myself as I thought that other people would shun or laugh at it, I didn't expect people to say they actually thought it was good. That's when I decided to put together this website. Combined with my photos I feel it gives a good insight to the person I am and who I am capable of being and hopefully you will feel the same way. In the future I would like to be a professional photographer, and writer come to that. My ultimate goal is to live in California and be set up with my own business in said fields. And I hope that one day I could make my dream a reality. I've since upgraded to an EOS Canon 100d DSLR camera and have never looked back. Best thing I ever did!

Posted on March 26, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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